E Buddies
by beanlords
Summary: What happens when the Johnny and XMen's Logan begin emailing each other anonymously? Warning: may cause laughter. I'm not saying it is funny or anything, but it may, MAY, cause laughter. Just read it and review! Chapters are very short. Chapters 7&8 up!
1. In the Beginning

A/N: My first story. PLEASE read and review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fantastic 4. But, I really wish I owned Chris Evans. He's mine, I tell you! MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!

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Chapter 1: In the Beginning

Johnny was bored, but what else was new? The X-Games had just left town a couple days ago and he had gotten in SO much trouble the last time he had left the Baxter Building. Johnny was relaxing on his bed in his room in the Baxter Building. He decided to see what everyone else was doing. "REED! SUE! BEN! HELLOOOOO! Is anybody HERE?" There was something written on the black board, "another one of Reed's formulas no doubt." Johnny then read the message on the board aloud, "Johnny, at banquet will be home by 11. Love Sue. No fair! They're off at some party and I, Johnny Storm, THE Human Torch can't go! This is not cool." Johnny let out a heavy sigh. Reed had no movies or magazines that were worth even a little of the hot shot's time. "When all else fails, to the Internet we shall venture!" Johnny grabbed a soda and a bag of chips as he walked back to his room. Johnny pushed the power button on his Dell and leaned back in his chair as it loaded. "Welcome," his computer replied as it finished loading. He opened the Internet. "I've been waiting to use this site." He typed in the web address of a website he had seen in an ad a couple of days ago. He skimmed the different personalities that he could pick to talk to. Johnny couldn't find anyone with the 'fiery' personality he wanted. He looked over the options again. "Hey what's this?" He clicked on a box that said CREATE YOUR OWN. After he answered all the questions he clicked SEND. "Hopefully someone will respond soon."

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A/N: Yep.This is like, short. But it is one out of a million short chapters. 


	2. 2:00am and Solitaire

A/N: Hello

Disclaimer: a person who disclaims.

Chapter 2:00 am and Solitaire

Logan, sweating and breathing heavily, awoke from another of his strange nightmares.

"I still can't get a decent sleep at this place," he muttered under his breath.

He walked into the kitchen, where he sniffed out a Dr. Pepper and then walked to a computer. He went to a website to see the different people he could talk to. "Hmmm...Where'reUrEars, sounds like a funny guy. I could use some comic relief," He sent them an e-mail and closed out of the window to play a game of solitare. The desktop was a picture of all of the X-Men. He wasn't used to being a part of something like this yet, but he did like the little leather suits. He didn't say so, but he thought they did compliment his muscles. Even thought he told Scott otherwise, he wouldn't mind yellow spandex, as long as it wasn't TOO tight. 'Cause, you know, spandex just DOESN'T breathe!

Hi, Where'reUrEars. Nice Screen Name, mine isn't as creative. It's 2:00 AM here. I am not going to tell you where here is, you'll probably think I'm a freak. Which, technically I am, how many other guys do you know that sub at a boarding school? At least I have a good job. It may be annoying, but it is better than being able to burst into flames or stretch. I don't have many friends here (big shocker, right? I was reduced to talking to random people on the Internet). Pretty much my only friend here is a girl named Rogue. She is like a sister to me. So, yeah. What else can I say about myself? I don't know. I hear a cigar calling my name.

Bye,  
TheWolverine

A/N: Goodbye


	3. The First Reply

A/N: Ello. Thanks for all the reviews, guys! Not.

Disclaimer: A statement, document, or the like, that disclaims.

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Chapter 3: The First Reply

BEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEP! Johnny fingered his way to the snooze button on his alarm clock. "Where's that stupid button?" he moaned. After a hot shower and some Frosted Flakes he went and turned on his on his computer. "Welcome, You got mail!" it said in a way too cheery tone. "I wonder what Reed sent me this time." He opened his e-mail. "Who in the world is Oh wait a second. It's someone responding to my ad." He quickly scanned the e-mail and then opened a new one and began typing away.

Hey TheWolverine,

Sup? Thanks for the compliments on my screen name! Yours isn't so bad. I just got lucky with mine. I said it to this one guy I know. What in the world are you doing at 2:00 am? I know many freaks. Freaks aren't bad. As far as friends go, I did have some friends but now my sis won't let me leave the building (She says it's too dangerous) and I am left here by myself. So I decided to find someone to talk to. You smoke? You do know that is bad for your health, right?

Well until I get your next message,

Where'reUrEars

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A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! 


	4. Regis and Kelly

Disclaimer: To renounce a claim or right to.

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Chapter 4: Regis and Kelly

Slamming doors and running feet awoke Logan early that morning, "Do you guys HAVE to watch Regis and Kelly every fu...uh...flipping morning?" Logan asked as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. He had only gotten six hours of sleep and decided that he probably wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. So he got up and decided to see if that Where'reUrEars person had replied yet. After he read the e-mail, he clicked reply and began his answer.

Hey Where'reUrEars,

No problem on the compliment. Who would you know that didn't have ears? Or, why would you ask a guy where his ears were? 'Cause, most people have them on the sides of their heads. Doesn't everybody get up at 2 in the morning and check their e-mail? I know a lot of freaks too. Some I don't really know, but I just hear about them. Like those dumb Fantastic 4 dudes. Who do they think they are? They go to space and get special powers and they think they are so cool. Some people are born with powers like that, and they don't get any credit. I hate those guys. Especially that Johnny dude. He thinks he's so frickin' cool. Just because he can make himself catch on fire. The dork. Anyway, now that I got that out of my system, why would it be dangerous if you left your house? Are you like... a psychopath or something? Are you barricaded inside your house because you are a danger to yourself and others? Are you one of those guys who, if you saw a gun, would pick it up and start shooting at random people? Well, I guess if you were one of those dudes you wouldn't be asking if I knew how bad smoking was for me. Anyway, yeah, I know smoking is bad. I'm trying to quit, since I sort of work at a Boarding School. Storm says I'm "a bad influence to the Children," you know, smoking and cussing and stuff like that. Anyway, what are your hobbies? What do you do for fun besides shoot at people? Just kidding, any way, Storm asked me to teach a self-defense class today, so, I gotta go.

TheWolverine


	5. Crime Scene Investigation

A/N: This chapter is a tribute to Eric Szmanda. The HOTTIE in CSI and the reason I watch it!

Disclaimer- See: Disclaim.

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Chapter 5: Crime Scene Investigation

"Why is it that when no one is home for me to bug that there is nothing on TV?" Johnny was getting annoyed. "Thank the Lord for TiVo" Johnny said as he found out why he had TiVo so many episodes of CSI. After about 3 minutes the CSI theme came on and that was Johnny's cue to start singing, "WHOOOOO ARE YOU? WHO WHO WHO WHO. WHOOOOO ARE YOU? WHO WHO WHO WHO. I REALLY WANNA KNOW. WHOOOOO ARE YOU? WHO WHO WHO WHO. WHOOOOO ARE YOU? WHOOOOO. I REALLY WANNA KNOW. OH I REALLY WANNA KNOW. OH TELL ME WHO ARE YOU YOU YOU AHHHH YOU." After 2 or 3 episodes of CSI, Johnny Storm was bored again. "I bet TheWolverine has replied." He was already opening another e-mail from the stranger by the time he finished his sentence. "Oh No he didn't!" But he had, TheWolverine had insulted The Fantastic Four. Even worse, he had insulted Johnny. Johnny hit reply.

_TheWolverine,_

_Well he kinda doesn't have ears. That's why I was asking him. I guess you could say that I live with some freaks. What do you have against the Fantastic Four? What did they ever do to you? I think Johnny is cool. I mean come on, how cool is it to light yourself on fire and not get hurt. The Fantastic Four aren't trying to steal the mutants thunder. It is just happening. They aren't helping their cause any anyway. But if there is someone to hate in the world, then that someone is the 'X-Men' or at least that is what everyone is calling them. I think the one with the White and brown hair is Hot! _

_With the whole dangerous to leave the building thing, my sister has been saying that for years. I guess I have caused some problems but nothing major._

Johnny paused. He had done something major he had given the Fantastic Four names. He had become the face of the Fantastic Four on top of that. He continued.

_Who is Storm? That's a weird name but I bet that there are weirder out there. You work at a boarding school. Are you a teacher or one of those janitor guys or something? Your boarding school has a self-defense class? I'm pretty good at defending people, myself. Let me put this way; I'm not someone you would want to run into in a dark ally._

Johnny giggled, "It wouldn't be dark for very long." He went back to typing.

Hobbies? Not really. Oh, well I guess you could say that I play with fire a lot. I like hot girls and fast cars. You got any hobbies besides smoking and cussing? I'm getting hungry. I feel like hot dogs. So talk to ya later!

_Where'reUrEars_


	6. Christmas Break

A/N: I know it isn't Christmas, but I wrote this during Christmas.

Disclaimer- To reject claims or authority of.

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Chapter 6: Christmas Break 

Christmas Break at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters was a drag for Logan. Everybody was either visiting family and friends or shopping. This left Logan all alone. Without Scott to bug or Jean to flirt with, Logan had no purpose. "I have a headache." Logan stated. Storm had been trying to get him to quit smoking. The TV was broken because Logan got frustrated while watching a football game. So, Logan was reduced to playing Solitaire. After losing for the twenty-third time in a row, he decided to check his e-mail. When he saw that Where'reUrEars had replied, he quickly read it and replied again.

_Where'reUrEars,_

_It's not that I have anything against the Fantastic 4; I just think they can be pretty annoying. _

_ What do you have against the X-Men? What about the guy with the retractable claws? He can heal himself too. I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark ally. No matter what you did, he could heal himself. Now THAT'S cool. Who cares if the dude can burst into flame? What good can that do? What about manipulating weather and telepathy? Those are real powers. _

_ Storm's real name is Ororo, but we just call her Storm. _

_ Yeah, I teach Art. _

_ Why wouldn't I want to run into you in a dark ally? Would you shoot me?_

_ Well, I like annoying Summers. You have to be careful when you do that because if you take it to far, you could end up with a hole through your gut. Don't ask. And since Storm is making me quit smoking, I have a knew hobby. Two words: Paintball Attack. I am working on the cussing too. Wheels says if I don't quit smoking, drinking, and cussing then he will make me think I'm a little girl. I am not too worried about that though, as if he could really do that. I am getting worried about Summers though. He sounds really serious about blowing a whole through my gut if I don't quit flirting with his fiancé. Not that it would do anything. He's a little bit overprotective. Well, since no one is here, I could probably go get a beer with out getting caught. So, I'll go get one. Talk to ya later. I don't have anything better to do._

_TheWolverine_


	7. Christmahannakwanza

A/N: Sorry we haven't updated in so long. We had them written, we just finally typed them up.

Disclaimer: One who Disclaims

Chapter 7: Christmahannakwanza

It was midnight on Christmas Eve. 

"Merry Christmas everyone," Johnny said as he changed out of his uniform. "Why can't Doom ever take a break? At least on Christmas," He muttered. "I'm too pumped to sleep now, so I'll check my e-mail since I've got nothing better to do."

"Night, Johnny," said Sue as she walked to her room.

"Night," Johnny yelled, sitting down at the computer. "Yes! I've got mail!" Johnny saw one e-mail from Ben, four chain e-mails from Reed, and one from TheWolverine.

_Dear TheWolverine,_

_The only Fantastic 4 member I think is annoying is The Thing. Well, the Invisible Woman is pretty annoying too. I think it should be the Invisible Girl instead. _

_I don't have any problems with the mutants. They're the ones who have problems with us. And they're so picky! They want a cure, then they don't want it. They need to make up their minds! _

_Isn't the guy with the retractable claws called Wolverine? Yeah, is that the reason your screen name is TheWolverine? Are you like his biggest fan or something? He isn't my favorite X-Dude. My favorite guy is the one with the laser thingies that come out of his eyes. Cyclops? And girl is… well… it is the white and brown haired chick. Do you know her name? _

_I would want to burst into flames. It would really light up a room._

Johnny giggled.

_Weather? Controlling it? And lose a conversation starter? And telepathy smellepathy._

_Ororo? It kinda looks like Oreo. Now I'm hungry! Why is her nickname Storm? Is she electrifying or something?_

_Art? You teach Art? An art teacher that smokes, cusses, and drinks? Riiiight. I thought you taught self-defense. _

_With the whole running into me in a dark ally thing, I don't think I want to shed any light on the subject._

"I'm so punny today!" Johnny said

_You annoying Summers, whoever that is, is like me annoying Ben. He's my sister's fiancés' friend, who just so happens to be sleeping down the hall. Have you pranked Summers or no?_

_Hole in your gut? (Just 'cause you said don't ask!)_

_Isn't paintball attack three words? You know, with the whole paint. And the ball. And the attack. Anyway, it sounds like fun!_

_Wheels? How can he turn you into a little girl?_

_Summers has a fiancé! (Man! Everyone is getting married but ME!) You like her? You're on dangerous land, my friend._

_I'm going to BED!_

_Happy Chrismahannakwanza and a Hapy New Year!_

_Where'reUrEars_

A/N II: PLEASE review!! We know it isn't Christmas. We wrote this during Christmas Break. Deal with it._  
_


	8. Lunchtime Distractions

A/N: Yeah. Here's Logan's reply.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fantastic 4 or X-Men. Batman.

Chapter 8: Lunchtime Distraction

Logan walked out of the Xavier's School Cafeteria. Hank had cooked today. Are rolls supposed to have blue hairs in them? He wondered. He had found a few baked into his rolls, and had seen that Hank wasn't wearing a hair net. But at least the spaghetti and meatballs was good. Well, at least he thought they were meatballs. He recalled seeing a poor raccoon that had been run over on the road near the school. After that idea, he found himself fighting back vomit. But, he held it back and decided to check his e-mail to get his mind off the lunch. He saw an e-mail from Where'reUrEars.

_Where'reUrEars,_

_I don't say Dear Where'reUrEars because you sound like a guy and that would be gay._

_I think all of the Fantastic 4 members are annoying. But, I do think the Invisible Woman is hot._

_Mutants don't have problems with people. And we, I mean they, never asked for a cure. Only some wanted it, they never all agreed about that. The X-Men didn't want it but that stupid Brotherhood caused the whole mess. They make the mutants look bad and violent. But we're, I mean they're, just like regular people with a messed up gene. Anyway, have you seen Magneto? He has this dumb helmet, it is so frickin' stupid! It matches him perfectly. Who cares if it guards against telepathy! It makes him look like a nerd. I hate that dude, and not just because of his stupid helmet._

_I guess you could say that is the reason for my screen name. There's probably not a bigger Wolverine fan out there. But how could you pick Cyclops over Wolverine? The guy shoots lasers out of his eyes. Big whoop. Claws come out of Wolverine's hands! And, he can heal himself. Tell me that isn't cooler. The girl with the white and brown hair is named Rogue._

_Oreo? Ha! A new nickname! About Storm being electrifying, it depends on what mood she's in. _

_Well, I teach Art and since Summers was being really dumb one day, Wheels told me to take his place. Storm got mad at me though, because the kids were supposed to work together and I sort of took over. I was sort of chaperoning their self-defense lesson. Anyway, I wish that woman would get off my back. On second thought, maybe she shouldn't. _

_Who's Ben? He's sleeping down the hall… by himself or do you hear a high pitched snore coming from the room? Do you flirt with his fiancé? I mostly annoy him because he thinks that just because him and Jean are engaged, no one else can have her. I threaten him, I think. He can tell I have a better chance with her. He just makes up for it at night in their room, if you know what I mean. _

_I said, don't ask. You don't want to know._

_Paintball is one word. You would know about balls, wouldn't you?_

_Don't ask about the Wheels thing either. Again, you don't want to know._

_Yeah, Scott Summers has a fiancé. Big whoop. He was here first. If I had been here I would have had Jean for sure. She just didn't know that anything better was out there. So, she settled for the only thing there was around. _

_Yeah, whatever. Right back at'cha. Whatever that is._

_TheWolverine_


	9. Chocolate Cake

Chapter 9: Chocolate Cake

"How did Doom break out so quickly? Oh well. We got him this time," Johnny said to Reed, with a smile, commenting on their last big battle.

"Yeah. Hopefully, he won't be out for a long time," Reed replied.

"Oh, and Reed, where in the world do you get all of those chain letters? It's insane!"

"Your sister sends them to me."

"Reed, are you coming, or am I going to have to pick out a cake by myself?" Sue said, from the elevator.

"Coming, Sue!" He hollered, "See ya Johnny." Reed patted Johnny on the back and quickly rushed for the door.

"Bye," Johnny said as the elevator doors closed, "So, I've got the place to myself…again," He looked around the room. "What now?" Johnny pondered as he sipped the Dr. Pepper he held in his hand. "That's it! How come I didn't think of it before?"

Johnny started moving all of the furniture to the corners of the room. After it was all out of the way, he kicked off his shoes and went into a different room. "WEEEEEE!" He yelled in a girly voice as he slid across the floor. He ran back through the room and decided to do it again. "WEEEEEEEEE!" He said and then, "Ow!" He was slowly climbing back to his feet. "Maybe e-mail is a better way to cure boredom."

He read his e-mail and replied.

_Hey Wolvie,_

_ Is it ok if I call you Wolvie? 'Cause if it's not I'll make up some other ridiculous sounding nickname for ya._

_ I don't normally say dear, but I was tired and was just trying to… well I guess say hey without saying hey. _

_ Uh…yeah, mutants do have problems with people. I see it every day. I understand the whole "only some people want the cure" thingy. But still… _

_ Do you have a thing for fiancés or something? 'Cause the invisible woman is getting married, so, yeah. _

_ I hate bad guys. They're so… what's the word I'm looking for...bad! (Take Dr. Doom for example) Magneto? Dorky helmet man is what I like to call him. It's basically the same thing in my opinion._

_ Cool reason for a screenname, I guess! 'Cause Cyclops is cooler! Duh! So what if you can heal yourself? Hot girls can't come up to you and say things like, "Are you alright?" or, "Can I sign your cast?" Girls love to sign things. Weird, I know. Lasers are so much cooler, anyways. Rogue? I like it. I wonder if she's single…._

_ Is Storm normally happy or something? That why she's so electrifying? _

_ Reed gets mad at me all the time for doing stupid stuff (And Ben, and Sue, pretty much everyone I live with gets mad at me.). So, Reed and Storm are similar. Well, except Reed is a guy and Storm is a girl. I think she is, anyway. The way you talk about her… him? _

_ EWWW! Please! That was one mental image I could have lived without._

_ No, Ben doesn't have a fiancé. But he does like this one girl (she's blind.). I played the classic shaving cream joke on him once. It was really hard to get him to respond to the feather duster, that is, until he hit his face with the cream. Then it was just hilarious! _

_ Jean is a cool name._

_ It was all of the holidays combined._

_ See ya,_

_ Where'reUrEars_

_ P.S- I think The Invisible Woman is having a chocolate cake at her wedding. _


	10. Hugh Jackman

Chapter 10: Hugh Jackman

"There are so many places I want to go, sites I want to see." The students at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters were watching Flushed Away and the girls were fawning over Hugh Jackman's accent.

"How can he have a British accent in Flushed Away, a country accent in Happy Feet, and be from Australia? He's so amazing," Kitty said dreamily, with a sigh.

This made Logan uncomfortable, and he said, "Get over it. He's married and he's got kids."

The girls sighed grumpily and many ran to their rooms to sulk. It disgusted Logan.

He decided to check his e-mail.

_Where'reUrEars,_

_ We, I mean they don't have problems with people, I would know. _

_ She is? God! All the good ones are taken!_

_ You call Magneto Dorky Helmet Man? Can I use that sometime?_

_ He is not! Stop saying that! You are really killing my ego, here. I guess that is true. About girls liking stuff like that. Maybe that's why I'm having trouble picking up chicks. Lasers are cool, but not as cool as indestructible, retractable, daggers which extend from the space in-between the knuckles of the left and the right hands. _

_ Rogue isn't single, she has a boyfriend, but she isn't getting married like everyone else. _

_ Yes, Storm is a girl. What is so EW about that?_

_ That sounds fun! I should try that on summers sometime, the whole shaving cream thing. I'd probably pay for it, though. When I unleashed one of my paintball attacks on him, I was pretty close to losing one of my arms, and my paintball ugn._

_ I like the name Jean, too. It is so catchy and unique!_

_ I don't care how much you want to know. I'm not going to tell you._

_ TheWolverine_


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